Let the “Games” end!
Buddy Games, which The Post gave zero stars in 2020, now has a chilling sequel titled Buddy Games: Spring Awakening.
Duration: 91 minutes. Rated R (raw sexual material, all language, drug use, some nudity, and violent material). In cinemas.
By some means this clunker is worse than the original in every way, but zero is as little as we will get. Like the original, Spring Awakens easily ranks amongst the worst movies of the yr.
The bottom-level movie series continues to be the overblown “Hangover” rip-off where a bunch of nerds drink and get high into oblivion in the name of male pride, except on this case we, the viewer, are left with the hangover.
We get nauseous, a splitting headache, and later regret our selections. After all, the best cure for a hangover, as any doctor will let you know, isn’t participating in it in the first place.
“Spring Awakening,” which does not feature German teens singing, begins with the death of Durfy (played by Dax Shepard in the final film), a member of a clique of terrible friends who compete in the Buddy Games.
These titular challenges are utterly disgusting feats of strength and substance abuse that lead to shame, mutilation, and bucket wins.
C-list actor Durfy died playing the role of Harry Houdini in the film.
“One other senseless death at the hands of methodical acting,” says the newscaster.
At his funeral, attended by Bobfather (Josh Duhamel), Doc (Kevin Dillon), Bender (Nick Swardson) and Shelly (Dan Bakkedahl), a mourner shouts, “You are just middle-aged nerds who never grew up! ”
To prove the sensible guy mistaken, they steal their fallen buddy’s urn and throw it around like a soccer ball while his ashes fly all over the place.
The explanation they smuggle cremated stays is to honor Durfy by helicopter to the coastal town where the first Buddy Games were held. Their sexy place for spring break? Harrison Hot Springs in British Columbia, Canada. Couldn’t you go to Cancun?
Upon arriving, they discover that a bar called Party Marty’s has stolen their idea, which isn’t trademarked, not copyrighted, or clever.
“You might be Bob’s father!” says an offended Shelly. “You began these games. You’ve gotten to go in there and stop those posers.
So the idiots resolve to fight young college girls with names like Bitchcraft, Trend Z and The Bad Brotha F-kaz.
One bikini-clad woman throws a can of beer in Shelly’s face and gruesomely breaks his nose, and so they lose. Funny!
They recover from it quickly and crash a Recent Age rave in the woods where they lick hallucinogenic toads while 20-somethings lecture them about pronouns and inclusion. One character is listed on the film’s IMDB page only as “Woke Woman”.
The leader of the cult is a lunatic named Phoenix (Carmel Amit) who imprisons Bobfather and Bender in a type of re-education camp to make them less of an issue. Meanwhile, Shelly and Doc get up in a rustic brothel called the Panty Hamster.
Every juvenile attempt at humor on this film, directed not by a drunk but by Duhamel, is disgusting. Think vomiting, toilet gags, and enough lower anatomy jokes to last a lifetime. And while the revival is ripe for edgy satire, those obvious setups and punchlines are groaning.
In a brainwashing cult, the brothers are locked in an escape room. With a purpose to get out and never be recalled, they play a game where they put words and pictures into the right categories. For instance, “Men” goes to “Bad”, and a child dressed as a Native American goes to “Very Bad”.
I moved “Buddy Games: Spring Awakening” to “Abysmal”.