Do the Muffin Man? Or more importantly his zodiac sign?
This 12 months, we have a good time the eighth annual National Muffin Day on Sunday, February 26, 2023.
Why the celebration? Because the world is bleak and cake for breakfast is the type of crumb that could be counted on. Unless in fact it’s the rapidly wrapped in cellophane sort, sitting somber on the counter of a nameless bakery in a Midwest airport at 7 PM. That muffin is able to passing on a giant bad bout of existential dread.
You deserve higher.
You furthermore mght should eat the type of muffin that gets you, a fluffy metaphor for your own self hood. That’s where astrology is available in my babies. Below one can find an inventory of the zodiac signs as muffins. Fresh out the tin, from me to you.
Read on, eat up.
English muffin
![English muffin](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_144625457.jpg?w=1024)
Being with an Aries is akin to driving very fast down a heavily potholed road and the English muffin, with its nooks and crannies, is the golden baked representation of that experience. Add to the dough that Samuel B. Thomas, who brought Americans, whether we dissenters deserved it or not, the English muffin in the nineteenth century, was a card carrying Aries. This cardinal fire sign is the provocateur of the zodiac, a fact made evident in native Miranda Kerr who sent gluten free apology muffins to her neighbors, a gesture of grace or an act of war depending on the recipient.
Chocolate chip muffins
![Chocolate chip muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_622983905.jpg?w=1024)
Representing team Taurus in all its gluttonous glory is Tori Spelling. Indulgent to the hilt, Taurus is the sign that considers oral sex cardio, creamed spinach a salad and Entemann’s packaged mini muffins to be a health food. Spelling argues that the absence of high fructose corn syrup equates to dietary value. Simply because the cocaine isn’t cut with boric acid doesn’t make its a vitamin, folks.
Coffee cake muffins
![Coffee cake muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_710042536.jpg?w=1024)
You recognize what pairs well with coffee? These muffins, ceaseless chatter, curiosity, talking s**t and taking one. Coffee and some other stimulant equate to the drug of alternative for Geminis who shares a deep affinity with heavy caffeination and whose ADHD runs the gamut from lovable to jarring, keen multi tasking to energetic scattershot. Gemini folk are aces at communication, the written word, the tweeted thought and sending theri sentiments, a degree made by Gemini Lionel Richie who once gifted Dave Grohl a motherlode of muffins as a get better offering.
Blueberry muffins
![Blueberry muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_526270051.jpg?w=1024)
Cancer is a moody motherf***er, liable to singing the blues and eating their feels, a mixture made carbohydrate manifest in the blueberry muffin. These are the tin offering of alternative for Cancer comedian (sad clowns abound with this lot) Mindy Kaling who, disillusioned by the lack of berries and inexplicable addition of sanding sugar in store bought varieties, made a house certain batch, apropos for a sign that would favor to never leave the house.
Banana muffin
![Banana muffin](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_236127859.jpg?w=1024)
Leo is represented by the lion, known colloquially as the king of the jungle, a misnomer as lions prefer a savannah, scrub or grassland environment but whatevs. The lion king, the head honcho, el jefe or top banana if you happen to will, all apply to the stately Leo who prefers to call the shots, curry the favor and energetically ‘top’ in any and all situations. Consequently, any banana based varietal; banana blueberry, banana nut, banana chocolate chip, pick your poison, could be the metaphorical muffin of the lion pride.
Apple cinnamon muffins
![Apple cinnamon muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_1468526849.jpg?w=1024)
In the major arcana of the tarot, Virgo is represented by the Hermit card, symbolizing a sage that retreats from the world into the wilderness to bring humanity the knowledge and cures it needs. I’d argue that apple picking, snake loving Eve was following the same rough loose itinerary and was also, most definitely, a Virgo, same love for nudity and terrible taste in partners. Apropos of this, the fruit of data, baked with anti-inflammatory cinnamon, part health, part hedonism, is Virgo energy personified.
Take a look at more of The Post’s food astrology content:
Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins
![Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_1191061984.jpg?w=1024)
Pumped up on decadence and autumnal attitude, the pumpkin chocolate chip muffin is kindred to this cardinal air sign. If Libra were a latent member of the Spice Girls it might invariably be Pumpkin Spice. Wildly popular, and straightforward to enjoy, they go down easy, accessorize for the season, smell expensive and are ever attempting to marry into money.
Cranberry orange muffins
![Cranberry orange muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_333937934.jpg?w=1024)
Cranberries and their blood clot coloring are associated with the planet Mars, the ancient ruler of Scorpio and the fruit is harvested during the season of the scorpion. Further, Scorpio rules the genitalia and cranberries are a typical cure for UTIs. Each citrus and cranberry have medicinal properties and Scorpio at its apex expression is the sign of deep transformation and utmost healing.
Cornbread muffins
![Cornbread muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_1839448150.jpg?w=1024)
Sagittarius is born to aim high, travel far and seek wisdom along the way. In kind, cornmeal was introduced to the European settlers by indigenous American tribes who had been roasting, dying and grinding corn for hundreds of years. The sustenance proved salvation to the in poor health prepared colonists and cornmeal has been an American staple forevermore. Because cornbread is built for travel, folks began calling it a journey cake which was later bastardized into Johnny cake and certainly one of my favorite archers of all time is a sailor with a face tattoo named Jonny, so there you’ve it. Also, the weed dealing, law evading Cornbread Mafia of course counts a Sag amongst its ranks.
Bran muffins
![Bran muffins](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_1365754157.jpg?w=1024)
Ruled as they’re by Saturn, the mean dad planet of restriction, punitive damages and flossing, Capricorns are liable to suffer from a punishing have to be practical and an utter lack of caprice. Enter the bran muffin, the embodiment of the Cap daddy ethos of it may not taste good but its good for you.
Zucchini muffin
![Zucchini muffin](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_152770238-1.jpg?w=1024)
The age of Aquarius, in song and sentiment is associated with long hair, high times, bare feet and LSD. The hippie counterculture also gave rise to the popularity of vegetable forward bread stuffs like zucchini muffins. Far out and right heading in the right direction for the rabble rousing, future focused, a**, grass or gas to travel on my starship feeling of Aquarius.
Lemon poppy seed muffin
![Lemon poppy seed muffin](https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/02/Shutterstock_623490266.jpg?w=1024)
Pisces are the drug muffins of the zodiac, ever the hopeful romantics, they imagine in the ability of affection to show a lemon, IE their philandering trash monster ex, right into a dream partner, or lemonade. Poppy seeds may make you piss hot on a drug test and Pisces is associated with opiates, altered states and the gossamer veil between worlds, dreams and Catholic confessionals.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, popular culture and private experience. She can also be an achieved author who has profiled quite a lot of artists and performers, in addition to extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Amongst the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.