When I was 22, my whole world was flipped the other way up within the blink of a watch. A couple of weeks before I was on account of give birth to my first child, my husband, Peter, suffered a serious cerebral hemorrhage that left him with life-changing impairments to his executive functioning and personality. He was only 27.
For the following few years, I juggled being each mum, dad, and the breadwinner. Peter had severe epilepsy and his seizures were frequent, unpredictable, and scary. He showed little emotion and his brain injury affected many elements of his physical, cognitive, and executive functions. While he loved our son dearly, he ceaselessly put Jason in peril when he had seizures or through his reckless behavior.
By the time our daughter, Alanna, was born when Jason was almost five, I was hypersensitive to my children’s safety. Peter almost burned down the home by secretly smoking cigarettes in the course of the night and drove with Jason within the automobile despite being told he wasn’t fit to drive. When Alanna was five weeks old, I found Peter dragging Alanna’s pram up the steps with no blankets or the rest to guard her. That was the ultimate straw – I knew something had to offer.
That very same night, I was lying in bed with my children and the truth of them not being secure hit me harder than ever before. It was then I realized I had a goal – to maintain us secure – and that I could make decisions to get us there.
Seizing My Catalyst Moment
After nearly five years of feeling unsafe and trying to administer Peter’s difficult behaviors, I knew I needed to stop procrastinating and solve this huge problem. I had two young children who trusted me, and I could not stick with fear.
I knew I needed to make a move in all of our interests, but I was so conflicted. Peter was a great man with an acquired brain injury and he loved the youngsters a lot. But deep down, I knew the common good was the protection of all of us.
While I had resisted the answer for thus long, it became clear that the issue was more dangerous than the answer I’d been terrified about. I now knew I had to seek out a solution to move away from Peter with the youngsters. It was an extended road riddled with sadness and guilt, but I eventually got there.
Getting Unstuck from the Zone of Unconscious Grit
Through my experiences, I identified two distinct varieties of grit. Unconscious grit will assist you to survive in a difficult situation, but it might also keep you stuck in managing an issue in a specific way. Conscious grit can get you out of the issue – it’s the grit you might want to get unstuck and live your best life.
Each varieties of grit have similar characteristics:
- Determination
- Perseverance
- Tenacity
- Resilience
The main difference between the 2 is ‘little c’ courage versus ‘big C’ courage.
‘Little c’ courage gets us through hard times with small and consistent efforts, however it isn’t until we move into ‘Big C’ courage with a deal with the long run and a commitment to planning that we will shift into the zone of conscious grit and thrive.
Once you’re within the zone of unconscious grit, you’re trying hard and displaying a determination to hold in there. You’ve got a day-to-day focus and also you make one of the best of the situation even once you think you possibly can’t take care of it. You haven’t given up; you’re just beavering away to do what’s instinctively right.
You’re courageous to some extent – it’s a ‘little c’ courage that helps a bit. But you would like more. You would like a plan and a future focus.
I didn’t know that I was within the zone of unconscious grit for those five years. On the time, I was determined to do one of the best I could. I knew it was tough, but I thought I was doing okay. I wasn’t aware that if I added in some more planning and future focus, I would make progress.
While I was in that zone for five years, that may not be true for you. You is perhaps there for less or more time; there is no such thing as a ‘right’ timeframe. Every situation is different and the fallout will likely be different.
Moving into the Zone of Conscious Grit
Looking back, I realize that there was a time when I shifted gears. I finally got some traction across the things I needed to do – keep secure, get some money, and develop a profession. I began to do things otherwise.
I know now that I was moving into the zone of conscious grit. In that zone:
- I made tough decisions.
- I had tough conversations.
- I set a course.
- I stayed firm with the resolve of my direction.
- I got qualifications, employment, and confidence to craft the long run.
When I moved into the zone of conscious grit, I added a deal with the long run and planning, and maintained my determination, resilience, persistence, and tenacity. My ‘little c’ courage became ‘big C’ Courage. I was still drained, but had a plan to attain our goal of safety. I felt less stuck. I was on the move, and things began to vary for the higher.
It’s as much as you to decide on whether you reside within the zone of unconscious or conscious grit, but that doesn’t mean making the switch is a simple process. You could need guidance from a coach or other skilled who will guide you thru the transition and assist you to achieve your goals.
Learning Through the Journey
I didn’t understand it on the time, but what I know now could be that while I was in each of the zones after which moving between them, I was learning, developing, and gaining skills that I didn’t have before.
I learned about myself and others, and my confidence and knowledge grew. I was constructing, scaffolding, and leveraging from every thing I tried – regardless of the final result. I was learning what worked and what didn’t work.
While living within the zone of conscious grit might look like the final word goal, keep in mind that life is concerning the journey and never just the destination. So, keep your sights set firmly in your goals, but don’t forget to take all of it in on the road to achieving them.