As a parent, you would like to help your child once they’re upset. But when your child is within the midst of a tantrum, things can get a bit more complicated.
When a toddler reacts extremely emotionally to a situation, the best way we react can assist them learn to turn into emotionally mature – or inadvertently teach them that tantrums can assist them get what they need.
Below we explain what tantrums are, how to respond to them appropriately, what you’ll be able to do to discourage future tantrums, and more.
What exactly is a tantrum?
A tantrum may take the shape of kicking, screaming, or other destructive behavior, but it surely is definitely an attempt to communicate. Young children have many curiosity and desires, but they’re still developing their communication skills and emotional control.
When something prevents them from getting what they need or becomes too difficult for them, they’ll turn into frustrated. And so they may not have the tools to express that frustration. That is where many tantrums come from.
Why tantrums in young children are probably the most common
Tantrums are a standard a part of a toddler’s development. They’re commonest in children between the ages of 1 and 4 (which is why they’re sometimes called “toddler tantrums”). During this time, children are learning about cause and effect – they try to work out what’s going to occur in the event that they do certain things.
If I cry, who will answer? If I scream what’s going to occur? How will my guardian react?
Tantrums are a part of this learning process. But as children grow and socialize, they turn into more aware of their behavior and communicate higher. Because of this, tantrums turn into less frequent over time.
Distinguishing tantrums from breakdowns
One other vital point to consider is the difference between a tantrum and a breakdown, especially for kids with autism. All children have breakdowns. And while tantrums are sometimes characterised by frustration over unsatisfied desires, breakdowns are the result of hysteria.
Many children have sensitivity to certain sensory experiences resembling touch, smells and sounds, and overstimulation can lead to a breakdown. Breakdowns may result from communication difficulties and changes in routine. From the skin, a breakdown can look similar to a tantrum.
But because they are sometimes characterised by anxiety, breakdowns are often preceded by signs of overstimulation. This will take the shape of heightened emotions or an inability to follow directions, or the opposite extreme of withdrawing and calming down. One of the best approach to stopping or dealing with a crash is to stay calm and patient and do every little thing possible to reduce or remove sources of stimulation and provides them time.
Step one in dealing with a tantrum is to be sure that your child is in a protected space. The second step is to be sure that that the behavior shouldn’t be rewarded, either positively or negatively. Children at this age are searching for all types of attention. So, giving in to your child’s demands during a tantrum teaches them that this behavior serves a purpose and gets their attention. And showing anger or aggression teaches your child that these are appropriate responses to upsetting someone.
So once you react to a tantrum, one of the simplest ways is to:
- Stay calm and speak slowly and in a low voice.
- Try to discover the explanation for the tantrum and encourage your child to use words in the event that they have the language skills to achieve this.
- If it is a matter of fatigue, hunger, or another physical need, the answer is to meet that need (again, without giving in to demands). If the cause is something else – resembling wanting to go somewhere or get something unavailable – further steps might have to be taken, resembling moving the kid to one other location.
- In case your child is especially young or is more stressed than frustrated, it’s an excellent idea to be close to them, offer them physical comfort resembling a hug, and be sure that you understand how they feel. In case your child is more frustrated than stressed, it might be appropriate to ignore the tantrum until he calms down.
- Praise your child when he calms down and explain why he is not getting what he wants. This may help set boundaries and encourage emotional control in the long run.
Suggestions for stopping tantrums
Because tantrums are a standard a part of a toddler’s development, there isn’t any surefire way to prevent them. Nevertheless, you’ll be able to significantly reduce their likelihood by anticipating triggers and modeling positive behaviors.
Working around tantrum triggers
You realize your child best, and you most likely have a way of what is almost definitely to trigger a tantrum – whether it is a fun toy in the shop, a day energy slump, or a change in day by day routine. You may avoid some triggers entirely by planning ahead or keeping them out of your child’s sight and mind.
But for those who cannot avoid a possible trigger, you continue to have options. Distracting objects or activities can distract the kid from the trigger. Offering them low-stakes decisions regularly (resembling between outfits, snack options, or activity times) could make them feel more empowered and fewer likely to make demands. Talking to your child ahead of time about schedule changes or unusual events can assist adjust their expectations and reduce anxiety. What you’ll be able to do will depend on your child’s age and the kind of trigger you are working on.
Demonstrating positive behavior
One other way to discourage tantrums is to model the behavior you would like your child to grow up to. For instance, by staying calm during tantrums or breakdowns, you’ll be able to show them that stress will be managed without extreme behavior. And by showing your child that you simply understand what’s upsetting them and praising them once they calm down, you are setting the stage for healthy emotional development. Practice using words that express emotions, resembling blissful or sad, with children as they gain language skills.
You may go further by giving your child positive attention throughout the day, praising the positive behavior more widely, and usually talking and asking about their feelings. These items will help your child feel seen and loved and can get them used to expressing their feelings with words. Especially for young children, making faces to exhibit emotions could be a useful visual aid.
When to go to the doctor with tantrums
The tantrums should turn into less frequent because the child grows up. Talk to your child’s doctor if:
- Tantrums proceed or worsen after the age of 4
- The tantrums are persistently severe or last more than quarter-hour or occur very regularly
- Your child has great difficulty cooperating or communicating typically
- Your child has headaches, abdominal pain, or other symptoms during tantrums
- Your child hurts himself or others during tantrums
Wondering what’s normal? Ask an authority
While they’re perfectly normal, tantrums are dramatic and it may possibly be difficult to know what is suitable in your child’s particular stage of development. Your child’s doctor can assist – pediatricians and other child health professionals have the expertise to answer any questions you could have and might refer you to a behavioral specialist if needed.