DEAR ABBA: My husband is in one other state with his elderly (but still energetic) mother. He went to help her get the home ready on the market so she could move in with us. He had severe panic attacks before he left. He kept telling me that he was afraid of losing me (he had been out of labor for months) and that he would wish me when he was with her.
Since he’s gone, she infrequently calls, rarely texts, and even suggests taking a break. It was after I discovered I had to go to the ER and was diagnosed with a devastating autoimmune disorder. He blames me for having to ask his mother for money to cover our bills.
This woman has been single for 30 years, works full time and has mainly no real expenses. She spoils him like hell – her only child. She treats him like her partner or a 12-year-old boy. She doesn’t like that I’m at home taking care of my one-year-old grandson and not working. I’ve all the time contributed, but it is a alternative my husband and I made.
I don’t think he’s apprehensive about any of his relatives here, and I actually do not feel loved when he goes days without checking in. When he’s with her, he becomes a chilly, brat. Any advice on what to tell him? — UNCERTAIN IN TEXAS
EXPENSIVE UNCERTAIN: Tell your husband that you simply need him at home now greater than his mother needs him there. As things stand, your husband’s fear of losing you may turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When his mother gets closer, the situation is not going to improve, because he’ll turn out to be much more “childish”. Until each of you get counseling, set some boundaries, and set priorities, your marriage will probably not last in the event you’re not willing to accept the establishment.
DEAR ABBA: I became friends with “John” when I was 9 years old. We met through our church youth group and shared interests. We lost contact after a couple of yr when I stopped attending the youth group and moved on to other friends and interests.
Through the pandemic, John contacted me on Facebook to try to rebuild our friendship. Truthfully, I don’t care. It has been 10 years since our last conversation and I’ve modified quite a bit in that point. I met with him twice to see if we had anything to tie us down, but there was nothing. He’s an excellent guy, but how do I politely tell him I’m not concerned about an adult friendship with him? — OLD FRIEND IN CANADA
Dear friend: A technique to achieve this might be to simply keep busy when he extends his hand. Nevertheless, in the event you feel obligated to tell him something, tell him that although you had quite a bit in common a few years ago, your lives have modified since then. You’ve got great memories, but that is previously, and you are living in the current. You’ve got other interests and responsibilities now and no time for the close relationship he’s searching for. That is true.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also often called Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.