I turned my head – but I could barely move my head.
A walk down forty second Street will likely be a breeze.
But doing it in a cloud of Canadian wildfire smoke, with my entire head wrapped in a layer of black tulle—with my arms and elbows pinned to my sides by a heavily exaggerated upper torso collar and my hands in nylon stockings—wasn’t walking in the park.
And as I walked the town streets in disguise, overhearing “What the f–k?” and “Oh my God!” from wide-eyed passers-by, I thought to myself, “It’s hard being married to Kanye West.”
The “Cannot Tell Me Nothing” rapper’s latest wife, 28-year-old Bianca Censori, inspired the look when it had a similarly eye-catching kit for a Sunday service in Los Angeles with 46-year-old Kanye.
Censori – a Melbourne, Australian resident who, in keeping with LinkedIn, works because the “head of architecture” for her husband’s YEEZY sportswear line – has caused a storm online with a unusual all-black skintight outfit inspired by fashion label Comme des Garçons.
Her little number consisted of an enormous padded sphere that encircled her chest and arms, covering two-thirds of her face, and a sheer glove that covered her entire body, including her shoulders and platinum blonde pixie hair.
In response to the outré outfit, pranksters on Twitter compared the newest Ms. West to an “uncircumcised penis” and a “condom”.
And other people in Midtown Manhattan felt the identical way about my clothes.
“Yeah, you seem like a condom,” said a girl in Bryant Park as we exchanged laughs over the dress. When I asked if she would wear it, I quickly replied, “Absolutely not.”
Nonetheless, her friend thought I succeeded and said, “Great! It looks so fun!
But recreating the Censori look wasn’t fun in any respect – in fact, it was almost as hard as walking (and respiration) in it.
With some much-needed creative input from my mom, who helped me sew a pillow shoulder pad to 2 yards of black fabric and a spool of polyester batting – a cloth used to melt quilts – it took about three hours to get the structure right.
I tried to top the formation with a chunk of nylon as a headpiece, hoping it could look as close as possible to the tip of the condom. But after an hour of failing to connect the tiniest sheet to the ball, I decided to easily wrap the nylon around my head and secure it with a hair tie.
My favorite and most dodgy piece of this cut was the Skims dress – a black spaghetti strap maxi made by the unique Mrs. West, Kim Kardashian, 42 – which I wore under the oversize collar.
My mom gave me a pair of her old clear black socks which I used on my arms to mimic the Censori clear overlay.
I accomplished the look with a brief blonde wig.
And although the costume was stressful to make and model, I was surprised by the variety of compliments it received.
“Honey, period! You look good! I find it irresistible!” yelled the barista at Le Pain Quotidien.
“I find it irresistible. I love that hair,” the lady said as we walked steadily down Sixth Avenue.
“You’re so beautiful!” said one other at the new dog stand.
A person playing chess in the park said, “You look good, honey, I wish to take you home.”
As flattering because the offer was, after about an hour, I found being married to Kanye to be, well, exhausting.
The outfit, though eye-catching, was hot, clingy, embarrassing, and uncomfortable.
When I caught one woman staring, I asked, “Would you wear that?” She replied, “No. Is someone paying you to wear this?
I was joking, “Yes. But not enough.”