It definitely wasn’t a touchdown.
“Saturday Night Live” bungled its NFL-themed cold open after proclaiming that football is the “only thing everyone still watches.”
Saturday’s begin to the long-running sketch show featured solid member Andrew Dismukes as former Dallas Cowboys quarterback-turned-commentator Tony Romo and James Austin Johnson as broadcaster Jim Nantz.
“Hello everyone, and welcome to the AFC championship between the Baltimore Ravens and the Kansas City Chiefs,” Johnson, 34, says as Nantz. “I’m Jim Nantz, alongside Tony Romo.”
“A fast shout-out to at least one of our sponsors,” Johnson continues. “Do you’re keen on to shake, rattle and roll? Since you’ll do all three on a Boeing 737 Max. Boeing — because that’s the sound it makes when the screws fly off.”
The satirical version of the sports telecast also poked fun at how following the sport — which Dismukes, 28, quipped will probably be “an all-out battle for the subsequent three hours” — the actual football season will probably be over.
After the perfunctory statement, Nantz reminds his colleague that they still have the Super Bowl, to which Romo responds: “That’s not real football. Super Bowl is for commercials and Usher and other people who’ve never watched football asking what number of points a touchdown is value.”
“Today is the last real football day for just us guys,” he continues, earning just a few chuckles from the live audience.
Unnerved by his colleague’s statement, Nantz sends it over to a much larger panel of CBS broadcasters who are only as distraught.
“I’m realizing that after this game ends, there’s just … nothing,” says Phil Simms (portrayed by Michael Longfellow).
“What are men imagined to do on Sundays now? Just go to their friends’ houses for no reason?” Bill Cowher (played by Mikey Day) adds.
“Without football, what are we going to speak about? I mean, does anyone have anything remotely interesting or insightful to say?” Devon Walker chimes in as Nate Burleson.
“This isn’t nearly us,” says Day, 43. “America needs football. It’s the one thing everyone still watches.”
“Especially live,” jokes James Brown — played by “SNL” vet Kenan Thompson, 45 — while cracking a small smile. “There’s no other live TV that’s even remotely watchable.”
The segment then went off on a tangent where the commentators compared the loss of football to the “Barbie” team getting snubbed through the Oscar nominations.
“I understand that Margot Robbie got snubbed, I actually do,” says Day. “But, they’re coming after Gosling? Ken was the primary time I felt seen in a movie.”
Taylor Swift, who has commanded much of the eye this NFL season, also got a shout-out after Chiefs head coach Andy Reid (Molly Kearney) said that he was sad he would now not get to hang around with the “Bad Blood” singer, 34, who’s dating tight end Travis Kelce, 34.
The segment ends with Walker stating that despite not having football, they “still have one another.”
“To cite ‘Fast and Furious’ 3 through 7,” Walker says, “It’s about family, and never counting my wife and three kids, you guys are the one family I got.”
The group then sings a parody rendition of Charlie Puth’s “See You Again” called “When There’s Football Again.”
Several social media users gave the opening a really cold reception.
“This was god awful,” one viewer wrote on X. “The writing this 12 months has been abysmal.”
“The worst!! Might have been funny with Taylor Swift swaying out the window of their box. So many possibilities,” a second person added.
“This was one of the worst cold opens I’ve ever watched,” slammed a 3rd person.